End of winter-ish-spring-ish vibes.
Ugh, I have been writing posts and then not posting them, because I’ve got like 25 drafts open and need to post another post, before that post, and ergh it is all jumbled up and very befubbling. So, I actually wrote this post a while ago, infact, before my last post and then I didn’t post it, so here it is…This is all abit behind…I keep writing posts and then picking them up later…sorry…
Heya guys. It’s really wierd blogging from lounge, partly because it’s really scary in here (I think I nearly peed myself of fright) and partly because I had to move from my room because the internet was fustratingly bad and the computer I am working on is completely going to blow up sometime soon, because there’s too much stuff on it. Oh yeah, so if I am off the internet for an abnormally long time (give it 2 or 3 hours) then just assume the computer has broken and I am in bed crying and trying to pretend nothing has happened. Oh yeah, and listen to this playlist I made whilst you read, eh? Because of some fancy thing that I don’t have on my blog, I can’t upload the plug-in to enable me to directly embed my playlist into this post, so just click on the link to open it on a new tab, here.
Happy easter, happy spring break (bitchez) happy Lent term holiday and all that shananiganing. What iz up witchu guiz. It’s been really busy. Things have been kinda depressing because school has been like ‘ugh’ well, school. There has been so much work and week after week it seems like we have a test (cause we do…) and I have been struggling so badly to fit in blogs that it’s making me very depressed indeed. It seems like my life is turning into a movie or series, well my school life at least, abit. So, firstly, some astrologist dude came into school, and got this huge black dome blownup and projected constellations onto it and it was all dark inside and he told dead jokes and it would’ve been so cute if your/my/whoever’s crush was sitting next to you and then you’d like hold his/her hand and yeah. That’s it. It was just like this scene in Freaks and Geeks and at the end he told us how any minute a big arse rock could come and wipe the Earth out. Yay. The next thing was, me and ma little girl gang packed sandwiches for lunch and decided to just not deal with all the hullaboo of the lunch que and sat out on the feilds and ate pitta bread and cheese (until the farmer dude told us to piss off, so then we hid behind a bench) and talked about life and were generally hashtag swaggie, as always. It was also like that scene from the virgin suicides. Then the last thing was dodgeball, we do this like patronising thing called ‘Fun Wednesdays’ where we play dodgeball with the other classes, and I kind of just stand there going ohh and ahh and trying not to get hit, and it’s like that episode from Freaks and Geeks…
Urgghhh, another thing has been lonely-holiday-syndrome: I feel like holidays can get so tiresome and hard to do. I mean, I much prefer them to term time, because I actually get to sleep past 6:00am, but it’s kinda hard to keep yourself busy for nearly three weeks. At school you’re constantly doing something or around people, whether you like it or not. It sounds kinda lonerish, but I feel like I have to organise things so my time is tightly packed in and I have to be really productive and get things done otherwise I just turn into a slug. Which I kind of already am. What I find most hard to not be sitting on the sofa on facebook/tumblr/twitter/wordpress every night doing the same things, it’s so lonely. What/where are cool things or places you can go to (in London) preferably…?
Below are some photos I took (during a sleepover with my friends) on my new Olympus OM10 film camera. They’re shots from my first roll of film, which I was really delighted with. I actually got the f-stops the wrong way round, and took most of these on a tiny shutter (too closed, small etc) and (used auto) so therefore a slow speed (to let in maximum light) handheld, hence the blurring. These are completely unedited by the way…
Vibesssss wise, I have been feeling a bit bummy lately: a mix of like empty 70s rooms, with a bit of warmth, desolate, unsettlingly perfect blazing landscapes, black and whites, reds and scratches and film and fire too. It’s moving on from the furry mustard feel from this post onto a more passionate kind of effortless feel, but effortlessly badass feel. I have been dressing up in whatever is easiest lately, mostly jeans and jumpers and tee-shirts and occasionaly a skirt with tights. I have been subconcousily werkin the comic trend: with my lil banana dress, a furry jacket, and my retro sweater too though. Actually, I have pretty much been wearing the same tie-dye tee shirt from COW Vintage, 5-pound boyfriend jeans, sweater and Topshop boots for the whole of the holidays, because I am just so sick of everything else. I wish I could organise my inspirations into categorises, but I’m still figuring it out- and everything changes so quickly anyway…
Here are some scans I did of cool new stuff…The first one includes: 1. Stevie Nicks vinyl from Brick Lane (gives me more reason to by a portable record player) 2. badge from spitalfeilds 3. Polaroids, the first: Holly on my steps (sneak peak to a shoot for the PULP Zine, which comes out on Monday 8th) and the second: me being pudgy and pensive…
This one (below) includes: 1. new baby barrettes, from Spitalfeilds and not saying: UGH YOU SUCK 2. Burnt out candles from my sister’s sweet sixteen, spelling out: HAPPY 3. The letter and envelope that Rachel sent me, it has the cutest sparkly Joe Jonas sticker! 4. Unicorn postcard from Rachel…
Other than that, I have been feeling very drab and lazy. I watched ‘The Virgin Suicides’ for the first time (fully) a while ago, which was kinda a huge marking point in my life for me, because it’s talked about so much EVERYWHERE, and I loved it. It was mysterious, intriguing and gripping, the soundtrack was soft, yet sharp, the cinematography was stunning and beautiful and the sets and designs were obbsessive, an organised mess, so perfect. Everything about it was just amazing, a huge source of inspiration. I particularly like the colors: I printed off stills from the movie and seperated them into colors, (sticking in my diary)- there’s a pale blue, a peachy pink and a bleak green. I decorated the area around each picture with quotes and stickers and beside I annotated the page, with notes or ways I could relate to the situation. The Lisbon house is alot like my Mum’s parents house, in Australia. The house my grandparents are living in now is different to the one my mum lived with them in, when she was a child, but this one’s more like the movie anyway: the sofas, which feel like a thin leather, are seventies blue, there’s crochet cloth everywhere and as well as little ornaments of Mary and Jesus etc there is a dim, reminiscent light that filters through the blinds. Another thing is Buffalo 66, I haven’t seen it, but it looks good, I want to see it. I get alot of inspiration from movies I haven’t even seen. But I am having a big movie night soon so s’all cool. Here are some snippets from my diary: an account of what was happening at the moment, some collages I made, and a drawing I drew of myself, after a bath…
I have realised that this blog (such an ugly word aha) isn’t really about fashion anymore, I don’t even post my outfits, or talk about what’s in or anything…I just give news about stuff that I think is cool, feature people, post my thoughts and ramblings and talk about life and figuring stuff out and colors and stuff I like. I think my lent-en promise is going to be to post more outfits or fashion related stuff on here; not because other people want me to, but because I just feel like I should, for myself. I also think lent is over. Oh.
I have been thinking alot about what I am going to do when I’m older, and how you know, or even just make decisions about what you are going to do when you’re older. People around us are always telling us what we have to do, what we’re going to do, making assumptions about it all and I think it kind of like tricks you into thinking you know what you want to do, but then you’re like wait, there’s so much I could do. The other day I was branded as ‘the next Susie Bubble’- another time I was branded as ‘the new Tavi Gevinson’- people get you confused with who you are and who you want to be and what you want to do, with their ideals and ideas. I have always jsut assumed to myself that I’d work in fashion and all, but when I actually think about it, I’d rather do photography (fashion photography, maybe), I’d love to create book that is just like my diary and/or my blog in print, it would be aesome to make a tv show with my own characters, or be like some kind of mysterious babe from a band. I’d love to make short Sofia Coppola or Wes Anderson style films.
I’ve been thinking about short films and music videos and stuff lately- I’m really into cameras and cutting together, and music and design. I’d love to try portray stuff in a pretty and beautiful way and at the same time, make it look like it’s real. Like, have you ever had those moments when you’re in the bath, or you’re lying bed, or you’re just sitting down, thinking about how beautiful where you are, or what you’re looking at is, or how sublime the colors are, or something? I’d love to be able to catch that simple prettiness in a casual way. I mean, I haven’t (at all) seen enough movies to know, but I feel like at the moment the movie industry is kind of lacking just beautiful films, like Picnic at Hanging rock was, and there’s just a very commercial, conventional and traditional way to film now-adays. I dunno.
Definately in the music industry, I feel like there is a lack of personal depth in trashy pop music: like most people in that area pay some lyricist (however much money) for some shallow song about drinking and sex and lol yolo, that contains about 3 ‘put ur hands up’s and 2 ‘lets get down tonite’s and 4 ‘party in the club’s or something, which is then recorded with heaps of autotune. Though I’m totally not in with the music scene, I feel like for a while there were not many good artists around and I’m so relieved that now there are cool people like: Delilah, HAIM and all those dudes. I really admire the way grimes goes about with her work: her music is like a project; she often thinks of the video first and then creates the song to accompany the video- it’s like a project. I think I’m kind of rambling, but whatever. I made this short film thing. I don’t even know. I think it’s just a product of my loneliness/laziness.
One of the many interesting things my father, mother and I have been talking about lately was horror movies. I don’t like them at all to be honest, but I saw a trailer of a new documentry coming out on rookie: yet another analyis of ‘The Shining’ and the morbid creator and his intentions, what the movie meant, what were it’s metaphors etc. I haven’t actually watched the movie, but it seems scary and odd, surreal and iconic and my Dad says it was just cray cray. I recorded our conversation and then typed it up. Here is what he had to say:
“we have these anxieties inside in our mind, we have really dark feelings, usually to do with death, and these horror movies, they take these anxieties and put them into a fiction that we can live and experience outside of ourselves and it enables our physcee to exersive that feeling and get it out, and take that feeling right to the edge, so really, it lets you express it. And then at the end of the movie, it’s a relief, because, like, it’s not a real thing, it’s just a movie. And so that’s why studies have been done on fairytales. The cinderella story has been told all around the world: in Europe, America and Asia, independantly and completely seperately, because it’s a story that children really love and want to be told, because children sometimes have these feelings where they really hate their mother and father or sisters and brothers and that scare’s them it’s ‘not a feeling they’re supposed to have’ and makes them feel really awful. But the story of cinderella, is about a wicked mother and horrible step-sisters and they love to hear the story, because they can have that feeling of hate, but experience in an external story that isn’t about them, so the feeling is released and isn’t trapped inside them. Horror movies do a similair thing to people, as fairy tales do to kids- kids want to hear the story again and again, because it’s reinforcing that release of anxiety again and again. And that’s why there should be darkness in fairy tales, because it’s about fear. Like, the original story of the three little pigs, I think it’s like: the pigs just all die, I mean, they don’t all laugh and survive, they just get eaten by the wolf. The ending’s probably like that too, because it’s about fear of life and ‘will I do enough to survive’ and that’s what kids are worried about, so it needs to be dark, so we can get that anxiety out. Modern fairytales take all that out, and that’s why it loses it’s effectiveness and we don’t have that many icnonic stories. The other thing is that they didn’t have books way back then; so the stories that survived were the ones kids wanted to hear over and over again.”
Just something to think about.
Tavi’s latest post on her blog was really disturbing for me. It’s been such a long time since she’d posted anything so I was like: SHE HAS SPOKEN…And of course the post was gorgeously written, the wording was a nostalgic perfection, if not displaying an obbsessively deep and thoughtful side of Tavi, but I felt like it lacked her usual witty manner, colorful pictures and liviness, and it was like she wasn’t so inspired anymore. It reminded me that people grow up, people change. Tavi was never going to be the ‘pint-sized-fashionista’ forever. I felt like it was abit of a: goodbye, I am kind of not that intersted in sharing anymore, but I’m still kind of just here…because I feel oblidged to keep sharing for the people who’ve so loyally followed. I’m not critiscising her, telling her to keep posting or anything, I’m just saying, I feel abit sad, like an era is over: I’ve followed her throughout her ‘reign’ (if you will) and she’s been so influencial to me as well as so many other young people around the world, so it feels almost like a part of me is lost, with the loss of a constant source of inspiration. She is much less active on the internet nowadays (ain’t nobody got time for dat) so I’d describe her as more ofan eloquent, smart, wise, independant, woman-figure of the web, just thoughtfully floating above us all, like an angel. I’m amazed at how she manages to restrain herself from constantly sharing her every whim with the world, it makes me think about how dependant we are on the internet, and knowing what everyone else is doing constantly. It makes us feel like we’re part of something more than just ourselves, we feel ‘in the know’ and special, because we know something others don’t. It’s really complicated, the way the internet affects our minds and the way we live. You can sit on a computer all day: play games with virtual people, talk to somewhat ‘virtual’ people through social network sites like facebook etc, and create ‘virtual’ stuff, yet you still feel lonely. So where do we draw the line between ‘virtual’ and real? It’s an interesting concept and definately something Tavi addresses in her latest post.
This post was longer than I had anticipated. To finish off, here are some photos from here and there and my tumblr. The theme was supposed to be that kind of ‘dying blue’ but descended into a navy blue/cream/red urban lady thing vibe, I don’t even know, I COULDN’T HELP MASELF. I had to restrain myself so there are only a few, but if I took everything from my tumblr we’d be here all year urgh- more vibezzzz posts laterzzzz….
Have a great rest of your first week, people; don’t be a lonery-couch-potato-slug, like me.
Oh I’m so befubbled at the moment, so very befubbled.
Photo by Dasha Love
Photo by Oliva Bolles
Photo by Dana Boulos
Photo by Petra Collins
Photo by Moni Hayworth
Kiernen Shipka by Lauren Dukoff
Rocio, by me